Should you or should you not?
Sometimes the decision whether to seek counselling or not can be a source of anxiety. The question of whether it is a waste of time can stop you seeking help.
- ‘Am I wasting somebody else’s time?
- Will it be helpful?
- Other people have managed, why can’t I manage?
- My issue is trivial, there are others with bigger problems.’
These questions can sometimes get in the way of you seeking the help you need. I would like to reassure you now that it is ok to talk to someone. It might be that you may not need counselling after all but knowing for sure will help to put the matter to rest.
Is counselling a waste of time and money? I can talk to my friends or family.
Counselling is more than talking to someone. It is a therapy session hence the name ‘talking therapy’. The counsellor/therapist is trained to listen ‘actively’ and the time set aside to listen to you is value for money. Listening actively means they are listening attentively to what you are saying and particularly what you are not saying. In counselling you have the chance to talk about over and over and over again until YOU are tired of hearing it. This would then give room for other things happening in your life. Your problem is not trivial. If it is affecting your wellbeing in any way, then it is significant enough to be given attention. The thought that ‘others are managing’ and you are not, is a hindrance to you addressing the problem as there is no way of knowing if ‘others are “actually” managing’ or not. The uniqueness of your situation is the only thing that matters.
What will I talk about? What if I cannot think of what to say?
When you get to your counselling session, go with the flow, start from a point that feels comfortable for you. You do not have to go straight to the issues that have led you to counselling. Be kind to yourself. Start slowly and you will get there. The counsellor is not there to judge you, they are there to help you. The counsellor will not have answers to your issue but will help you find a solution that works for you.
- We are all different with different situations and circumstances.
- What works for one may not work for another.
Allow yourself to feel. This is a safe space. You may feel worse before you feel better. Be prepared to recall issues that have been buried for a long time. Do not worry if you feel like you are moving from one issue to another, trust the process. People have expressed the fear of not being able to control emotions if they allow themselves to feel but your counsellor will pace you and ground you at the end of the session. It is crucial that you allow yourself to use your sessions for your benefit. Remember burying things does not make them go away.